I must remember to breath, to keep my mind from being clouded by anger and disappointment. While I am of dominate personality I have however lived my life in service to others, be it as a soldier, a peace keeper or even just looking out for others and being a shoulder to lean on when times get hard. Gods knows I have been all of those things and so much more and rarely if ever do I ask anything of anyone. Hell even my soldiers ask me if they can buy lunch for me or something of that nature and I have to tell them no, because that's not what a leader does. I just spent the last week getting a soldier out processed from the army in a hurry and learning the system used here as I went. Let me just say that was a nightmare unto it's self.
Now though, now I just want to be greedy damn it, to see some return for my hard work and in some cases very much so a great deal of misery and agony. I'm not talking in a figurative sense I mean real and true misery and agony. Why is it so hard for so many to understand what happens in my world is not easy to deal with, I feel like I must raise a lot of other peoples kids and teach them along the way how to be men. This should have been done before they enlisted and or even before they left home. Instead I have to help them work through their own personal issues along with everything else and keep them the hell alive at the same time. Seriously what the fuck happened to my country, once you had men coming out of high school, now you are lucky to get them coming out of college.
So for once can I please be greedy, can I actually take the time to be loved, to relax and just left life cruise on by, to take a bit of time for myself. That's all I want to really and honestly to be loved for me and the hard ass work I put in day after day. What am I doing wrong or what the hell did I do to deserve this?
Memento Mori!!! (it's latin look it up)
It's good to hear from you again, even though you sound frustrated. My only advice is that sometimes, a person who is a giver doesn't know how to ask for or accept what they need. Even when it is being offered. It's something I've had to learn!
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with you that men (and women!) are taking sooo much longer to grow up. Wow, there were so many of those that we knew when Daddy was in the Navy! I do think that the military is a really good way to learn how to "be a man", and there are some great leaders I've seen (like you) who can really guide and mentor those coming in. But that's more of an inside, heart-changing life experience I am talking about. The ones that are just immature and lazy and selfish? Even military life has a hard time getting them into shape!
The army is broken now, we can't come down on them like we need to. We are expected to play nice and babysit these kids and it drives me freakin nuts. I remember getting the crap kicked out of me by my DS's during OSUT and I'm thankful for it now. Glad to hear from you again, I pray you are doing well.
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