Happy or otherwise, it's just one more year I've managed to survive. With all the things that could have possibly gone wrong and they are many, I'm still alive and kicking. The Meatloaf song "Alive" says a lot for the life I've lived so far and will keep living till a woman can come into my life and settle me down properly. I honestly wish I had a beautiful lady to kiss on this night of all nights but that's just another want in life.
Though today went well, got my plane ticket changed for my flight back to South Korea so I can fly out of Nashville instead of leaving out of Madison Wisconsin. I don't know what the hell I was thinking in all of that, I knew things would go wrong but that's life, I should have listen to my gut though and planned it out properly instead of holding on to hope. After all "Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment." If it's not with in your realm of control to make sure something happens, get ready to be disappointed but if things turn out for the best, say your thanks and enjoy the pleasant surprise.
I know I know I'm jaded, often fairly bitter but you know something. I'm often right because human nature is predictable in so many ways and people will often let you down. I would just for once like to be proven wrong, hell I would even love to be rewarded for all the faith I place in people despite my better judgment. Please someone show me I'm not wasting my time and prayers for people to just be good and for once maybe kind. If someone above sees fit maybe just maybe direct some of that my way please. I could use a gift of renewed faith in people, women especially.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Christmas Day
So as a whole the gift giving and such went off without a hitch, which was to be expected. It was nice and calm, lots of fun was had and nothing went insane. The food was amazing like always. My question is why is it so hard to find someone that can tell me the honest truth about things, like who they really are. I can say that I am as honest and true as anyone will get, but that would be self servering. I allow others to make that judgement call for themselves but be warned I am brutally honest at times and don't like sugar coating things.
Like so many others I just want a good healthy relationship were I can be myself and she can be herself. That's the problem anymore though, no one wants to be honest with themselves or with the ones they supposedly want to be with. So it begs the question why do we even bother anymore, all people want anymore is just random hookups and no connections. Yet you will find so many who are depressed about being alone and unhappy with their lives and what makes it all worse is that they refuse to change it because it's to scary to make changes. Why then do people even bother to live if they can't face change?
I always ask these things because I live a life that so many can't handle, that they don't understand. Less than 10% of Americans ever have the nerve to step up and serve, yet it begs the question why we do it. Some do it for the college money, some do it to travel, others just to have a job because work is hard to find and the list goes on. Everyone has their own reasons, but why is it that we work so hard to do so much for so many and yet we can never find happyness it seems. But that is my lament, a lack of happyness for me is more a lack of purpose, sure serving my country is a great purpose. But what about a wife, a family, those are things that are more important, they give life meaning in those regards. I've often heard it said that for someone to truely be happy with someone else they first must make themselves happy and I must disagree whole heartedly with this. A person can make themselves happy with basic things on a day to day basis, but true happyness comes with that connection we share with others because we were made to be social creatures. Don't get me wrong I'm a bit of a loner, I need my time to think and be to myself, but once I have my head cleared I would enjoy nothing more than to curl up with my lady and watch a movie or heck just sleep.
After all folks it's the simple pleasures, never get to involved in things that you think are fun. If it takes to much work to enjoy something chances are you'll get frustratied to fast and often to enjoy it.
Like so many others I just want a good healthy relationship were I can be myself and she can be herself. That's the problem anymore though, no one wants to be honest with themselves or with the ones they supposedly want to be with. So it begs the question why do we even bother anymore, all people want anymore is just random hookups and no connections. Yet you will find so many who are depressed about being alone and unhappy with their lives and what makes it all worse is that they refuse to change it because it's to scary to make changes. Why then do people even bother to live if they can't face change?
I always ask these things because I live a life that so many can't handle, that they don't understand. Less than 10% of Americans ever have the nerve to step up and serve, yet it begs the question why we do it. Some do it for the college money, some do it to travel, others just to have a job because work is hard to find and the list goes on. Everyone has their own reasons, but why is it that we work so hard to do so much for so many and yet we can never find happyness it seems. But that is my lament, a lack of happyness for me is more a lack of purpose, sure serving my country is a great purpose. But what about a wife, a family, those are things that are more important, they give life meaning in those regards. I've often heard it said that for someone to truely be happy with someone else they first must make themselves happy and I must disagree whole heartedly with this. A person can make themselves happy with basic things on a day to day basis, but true happyness comes with that connection we share with others because we were made to be social creatures. Don't get me wrong I'm a bit of a loner, I need my time to think and be to myself, but once I have my head cleared I would enjoy nothing more than to curl up with my lady and watch a movie or heck just sleep.
After all folks it's the simple pleasures, never get to involved in things that you think are fun. If it takes to much work to enjoy something chances are you'll get frustratied to fast and often to enjoy it.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Christmas Leave
I had to jump through hoops like any soldier to get time off, arrange for a plane ticket back from South Korea and make it to the flight. No problems that all got handled, the paperwork took some adjusting since they didn't wanna give me all the time off I requested which was just as well. The plane ticket I actually won some months ago back in July to be exact because I know how to make a wicked chili. Then there was the lay over in Madison, Wi. That sucked I hate snow. I'm from Florida by birth I just grew up in Nashville.
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| Outside my hotel |
Yeah I don't wanna repeat that experince again any time soon and chances are I will in a week or so when I have to fly back to South Korea. In the mean time, I'm tring to enjoy life here at home visiting with family and friends. So far I'm able to visit with some friends with practised ease, same with most of my family. However some things are just not coming and I find myself back in the funk I was in before about dealing with people and crowds where I get set on edge and freaked out. It's alot of the problems I had before when it came to large crowds of people and places that left me feeling exposed. It's hard for anyone to understand that hasn't been there or dealt with the issues I'm talking about.
I'm coping though, normally I would have my butt locked in a hotel room away from everyone and taking time to get my head screwed on right before I go out and deal with people, this time it seems so much easier. I use to have to fight the urge to take myself back down to Redstone Arsenal when I was stationed there and lock myself in my barracks or around other soldiers instead of being around the public. Thankfully I'm not having that issue on this trip and I'm proud of myself that, it says alot for my ability to adapt again.
I'm coping though, normally I would have my butt locked in a hotel room away from everyone and taking time to get my head screwed on right before I go out and deal with people, this time it seems so much easier. I use to have to fight the urge to take myself back down to Redstone Arsenal when I was stationed there and lock myself in my barracks or around other soldiers instead of being around the public. Thankfully I'm not having that issue on this trip and I'm proud of myself that, it says alot for my ability to adapt again.
This trip has been a whole lot of fun too, I'm really looking forward to the tradition around the house of the Christmas nerf gun battle we do every year, I just need to go get my Vulcan nurf gun ("Happyness is a belt feed weapon") out of my storage unit. Let the fun begin.
Always remember to stop, take seven slow breaths look at the blessings in your life then take that next step.
New to this.
This is my first attempt at blogging so please bare with me on this, as I go through my growing pains.
With that being said let's see if we can get this train on the right tracks and rolling. Ok so lets start things off by giving you a little back story. I'm a soldier if you can't tell by the name and it's my dream job. I know a lot of people think it's insane but they were never raised with the mindset to put others before your self and serve a great cause. Yes yes I know it's the Christian thing to do, yes it is however 97% of them don't do it and often are hypocrites about it to boot. I've got a pretty simple outlook on things; all I want to do is be a soldier, a good husband and a great father.
Simple things, at least I use to think so, well being a soldier is if you just do what your told, follow orders and not think for yourself. Hard for this kid not to do, I'm a free thinker and it's got it's own positives and negatives. Being a husband was a nightmare some years ago but a few years ago I was left then divorced and it opened some amazing doors for me again. Don't get me wrong I don't believe in running when something gets hard, I wanted to try and save my marriage but she was having none of that but then again she had already made up her mind. So here I am back on active duty some time later after it's all gone down and I'm thrilled as can be. So now that you have some background on me, let's start this off right.
With that being said let's see if we can get this train on the right tracks and rolling. Ok so lets start things off by giving you a little back story. I'm a soldier if you can't tell by the name and it's my dream job. I know a lot of people think it's insane but they were never raised with the mindset to put others before your self and serve a great cause. Yes yes I know it's the Christian thing to do, yes it is however 97% of them don't do it and often are hypocrites about it to boot. I've got a pretty simple outlook on things; all I want to do is be a soldier, a good husband and a great father.
Simple things, at least I use to think so, well being a soldier is if you just do what your told, follow orders and not think for yourself. Hard for this kid not to do, I'm a free thinker and it's got it's own positives and negatives. Being a husband was a nightmare some years ago but a few years ago I was left then divorced and it opened some amazing doors for me again. Don't get me wrong I don't believe in running when something gets hard, I wanted to try and save my marriage but she was having none of that but then again she had already made up her mind. So here I am back on active duty some time later after it's all gone down and I'm thrilled as can be. So now that you have some background on me, let's start this off right.
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