Hair and a nick.

  So I'm getting my hair cut at the new place right outside gate one.  Well I've gone through the trim down part and all, time to do the clean up and since it's so hot out I asked the lady to shave the sides and back of my head.   Which feels wonderful let me tell you, so while she's about her work; she accidentally nicks me.  Well it's on one of those really good spots that bleeds like hell for no real reason other than it's close to the bone.  So this poor lady is trying to get the bleeding to stop and I'm half asleep through it all.  I finally start waking up when the other ladies in the shop start coming around and looking and trying to help.  I ask my buddy who is in a chair behind all of this watching a video to take a look and tell me what's going on.  "It's only a nick."  One of the ladies looks back at him with a wide eyed worried look.  Me I'm laying in the chair chuckling to my self while they are freaking out.  I tell the one lady to get the super glue and just glue it shut.  Her eyes looked like they were going to pop out on springs when I told her that, she said the only glue they have is for finger nails so I told her to get that and put it on.  Would have worked faster and better if they would have just wiped the blood away real fast then put a large dose on there.  Yeah so after a few drops they break out the Quick Clot, now that I felt!

So once it's all said and done I'm walk away with a free hair cut and shave, a very apologetic lady who wishes for me to come back so she can make this all up to me and do a better job next time.  I kinda had fun with all of that.  Made up for the massive pain I've been in all day from my ankle to my sore neck from being choked out 4 different times and or having my neck wrenched in a way that if I have let it go much longer would have broken it.   So all in all not a bad day, not great but not bad.  Oh then there is my very wonderful friend who has been keeping me company the best she can every day given the time differences and honestly they work for us.  She presented me with an amazing image for me to put on my shield and Surcoat when I get home.  It's freaking amazing.  I know who I'm going to for regular art work now, might even have her design three tattoo's for me should I ever decide to get one or three as the case may well be.

Humanity

  I have been given the pleasure of talking with a wonderful friend and it is so nice to be able to open up and not have it used against me.  I look forward to our daily talks and the normal jokes and silly humor that goes into it and it makes me feel normal again, something I haven't had in so long.  It is nice to once again just be a man, without the pressures of my job weighting down on me or the need to impress in order to get things done for my soldiers or for myself.  It's so nice to let the ice melt away and get to be human, to actually be allowed to feel things without reservations.     I wish people could understand how wonderful that sensation is to feel again, when you don't live with it for so long you forget how great it is to feel.   To be able to just reach out and be peaceful and human.

So thank you my friend, glad I got to prove you wrong about the kind of person I actually am.

Another hot day down!

So let’s set the stage for today, I wake up still rattled from the nights thunder and lightning, this morning was the Division run and well since my left ankle is a wreck right now I spent my time putting my body through as much muscle failure as I could manage.   Now with that being said, I had work to still do for the day and came back to the battery to get cleaned, eat breakfast and changed.  Off to work I went, so the day progressed just fine.  Hot and sunny a rather nice day, so after lunch the Lt has me  and one of the other joes take a HMMWVE over to the paint shop, so we got that ready to roll.  Well on the way there, I got to enjoy old times of running around with no top or doors on the truck.  Just a seatbelt and my helmet for safety and it felt amazing.  

Later in the day however one of the new privates made it a point to back talk and just flat out displays a total lack of discipline and training.   It took some time and doing but he is finally starting to understand after a few long ass chewing’s that he needs to keep his mouth under control.  I will protect and look after any of my soldiers when they act like soldiers and deserve to be treated as such instead of children I have to babysit.  But it let me know exactly what I am dealing with, after a while he finally realized what I was talking about.  A few hours later he finally shook my hand and made it clear that he understood why I am doing what I am doing and understood why I chewed him out.  So that has been brought to a rest for now but I see more and more every day that I am on a very long road and I choose this road.  Like the song asks, when will it rain?  I could use the relief of the cool breeze and water.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0U0fRwAbrHI

Another week down

So between the alerts, the rampant stupidity and the weather I have managed to survive yet another week and this time I still managed to stay in good health.  Though last weekend would have said other wise when I got so light headed I could barely stand while leaning on a wall, let alone walk; it was more along the lines of falling forward at a walking pace if you will.  As for what caused it, who knows and at this point I don't care.  It was just that night so I'm doing good, though knowing my record for pushing myself to stupid limits I will probably end up like that again in the near future till I get out of this country.


However while I have had down time and on my days off I have been doing some reflecting and trying to better understand myself and those I care about and why I care about them.  Some of them it's just I care about these people and it's just that I care and I don't know why and to be honest it doesn't matter.  Others however I have certain reasons why I care about them and most of them are people I took under my wing and have made sure to point them in the right direction, not so much a do what I do but a matter of this is a good idea go for it.  I enjoy doing the big brother thing, though I do get tired of raising other peoples kids so there is a major difference in the two.

Look up to the sky, see the moonlit night
The winter night sends shivers up your spine
But it's deep inside your mind that's where you may find
Inner demons and your desire
Don't give up, don't give up
Don't give up, don't you ever give up


   Winter Nights by Iced Earth


The above is a great example of when I like to reflect, in the dead of night in winter.  This same band does another song about enlightenment that I enjoy as well but I will save that for another time.  However one thing I know is that enlightenment can only come from reflection and understanding, however that understanding comes in many forms and ways.  I am most familiarly with pain and misery.  As these two aspects have been a constant companion for many years and they have taught me so much about my own limits and was to deal with them for others or at least to provide advice to keep someone from getting to were I am.  However sometimes we must suffer to learn our own lessons that no one else may teach us from their own experience.   I can honestly say though that misery has been less of a companion these last few years as it use to be, more so in these last few weeks.  I see the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak but I know that I may be facing another deployment here in the next 8 months so the cycle may start again, time will tell.  


I have also learned from things like love, oh the things that love has taught me are boundless and the most important in my view.  I have also learned the unending limits of what I will do for someone that truly loves me and that I love in return.  This is were misery comes in, because I have learned that I am willing and able to kill and if need be die for love and I am completely ok with this fact.  Now understand I am tired of the death and misery but I am fully capable of going back to it at the drop of a hat for someone I love, that however is how it should be for any man that is in love and more so if he is married and or has children.  Love should be able to drive you to do superhuman acts.  


However it all comes down to some major issues for me, I know what my desires are and I know what my inner demons and they are both brutal to deal with.  My inner demons have been so up front lately, I have woken up every day for the last week with my bed totally destroyed and or soaked from cold sweats.  Yeah the PTSD is coming back in a hardcore way and I think a good deal of it is the undue stress of dealing with this new idiot in charge of the Platoon.  Hopefully that will end before I leave, I don't need to be a total wreck when I get back to home and my family sees me in this wrecked state that I'm in.  


For now I will close this with this like I do most things.


Memento Mori 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGbEDkurm7w